he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
