not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
