I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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