Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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