i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
