Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
