I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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