My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
