Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
