when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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