I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
