Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
