4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
