scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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