I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
