I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
