I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
