Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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