Barsexuality is the new black.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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