Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
