Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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