In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
