Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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