you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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