I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
