You just made me feel so damn special
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
