You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
