P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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