Sorry, I don't speak sober.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
