just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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