Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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