I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
