I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
