Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
