My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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