see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
