I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
