i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
