and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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