Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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