Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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