yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
