Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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