Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
