so explain again why im purple
no
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
