Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
