We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
