Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
