Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
