I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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