I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
