Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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