Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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