Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think I am morally bankrupt
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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